If someone had told me a few months ago that I would love the description of the "perfect" wife, I would have seriously scoffed because it sounded to me like Stepford wife 101, aka how to be a perfect southern conservative wife. Thanks but hell no thanks. And then I read the proverb with new eyes. I read it in a modern context. And I felt my heart stir just a little and I heard a little whisper that said "this could be you." Not this should be you -because I don't want to live with guilt. But it could be me. If I put my ego aside. Right now I would do anything for Léo but I am not so good to Joe. Part of me revolts at the idea of cooking, mending, and cleaning. Because I'm a modern woman, damnit. But of course now I understand that I can cook and clean without feeling demeaned. We can share chores and I can do mine with pride. Being a lovely wife does not mean being a doormat. Duh. A few months ago I told Joe I would never be a SAHM because there was no way (No. Way.) he could expect to come home to put his feet under the table. I can see how my fears of being stuck in a role/box made me so intransigeant. I have now changed my mind: if I stay home a bit more -which I am planning on doing soon, God willing- I might do more house chores but he will still have stuff to do around the house. More importantly, I will also be able to focus on fun stuff, not just chores. Our home is not going to become Mad Man Central just because I stay home more -well, except for the drinks at all hour of the day. I kid, I kid.
Can you believe it has taken me so long to come to this conclusion? Joe and I have been married for almost 7 years. It's about time!!
I'm not saying I will be the perfect wife. I probably won't wake up before everybody to cook breakfast. I will still come home and have no idea what's for dinner. I will probably sigh every time I have dog hair on my clothes and curse the dogs instead of brushing them. The main thing is that I won't resent improving the status quo. Heck, I might even be proud of the way my house looks.
Now, I am aware that Proverb 31 is not all about housework (it's about respecting others, talking wisely, being sound financially, all of which I want to work toward), but that's been one of the most challenging parts of marriage for me, and that's why I focus so much on that right now.
3 comments:
Um, well, my first comment is that I had to Google, "intransigeant"! Now that I know what it means, I can read your blog post with much more clarity!
Seriously, I hear what you're saying about looking at Proverbs 31 with new eyes. Several years ago when I got married, someone at WV made a comment to me about making sure I read Proverbs 31 and base my life as a wife on it. She was an *extremely conservative traditional old fashioned no room for grey Christian*. I was super annoyed. When I read Proverbs 31 I was even more annoyed. I guess because I was looking at it through HER eyes and her mindset rather than my own.
A couple of months ago a super cool (also happens to be conservative but open minded) Christian friend wrote a comment on my Facebook about seeing me as a Proverbs 31 woman - and I took it completely differently.
I think it's cool how our understandings of these things change.
Now if only I would OPEN my BIBLE and read it instead of the chick lit, I could probably continue to be enlightened!
Oh, and maybe you can be a SAHM in OC and we can decorate and cook together?! ;-)
Hmm...maybe I should crack my Bible open tonight and take a look at this. I know I've read it but it's been a long time. It's unfortunate that the first thing that comes to all of our minds when we hear 'Proverbs 31' is 'conservative'/'Stepford wife'! That's exactly what I think of too. Thanks for writing about this and opening my mind! I want to be a better wife and homemaker too - it should never be looked down on. It's so important and so difficult.
Difficult w/out God's help and supportive friends is what I meant!
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