Last Day

Today is the last day I spend alone with Léo. I don't quite know how I feel. Sad for sure. I enjoy spending time with him -and spending time relaxing when he naps! I love staying at home when the weather is good. I love finding new ways to make him laugh during the day. At the same time, I am looking forward to seeing my friends again and to get out of the house more. I feel that my brain is pretty fuzzy (think old TV which refuses to work) and it might be hard to sustain intelligent conversations for a while but it'll be good to try! I always knew I would go back to work, so I am not crushed that it's already August. I am surprised that time went by so quickly, however. My baby is already 16 weeks old -well, tomorrow.

I will definitely go back to work with a new attitude. I hate to sound so shallow, but I know I am not going to get promoted anytime soon, so I will take it easy. I will do my job well but I won't try to go too much above and beyond since there will be no sustainable gain in the end. For now I will focus on catching up with everything that has happened in the past 3.5 months and on pumping enough milk for Léo. It should not be stressful at all.

Still, I will miss my bundle of boy!

Update: Ok, so I've been crying about it this evening. I really will miss him!

Awesome Purchase

Today I bought Milkies, aka " the milk saver". It's to use on the non nursing side while breastfeeding and it stores the milk that leaks during let down -you then put the milk in a bad and store it. First time I used it I got almost 1 ounce, which usually goes to waste. Right now every little drop counts as my production is still a bit low. ONE ounce. I must have fed Léo about 800 times + since he was born. That's a lot of wasted milk. Without counting night feedings, I feed him about 5 times per day. That's a bottle right there. I'm so thrilled.

This milk-saver thing is going to be part of any gift package I am making for pregnant moms from now on (Nancy, Melanie, Crystal: sorry to spoil one of your surprises!)

PS: Contrary to what they say on their website, I don't find the stuff "slim" and don't agree with the fact that "no one will ever know you're wearing it." It's bulky. Whatever. It does the job well!

Daycare: Success!

Léo did awesome at day care! He stayed there for 3 hours -and slept during half that time. He drank the whole bottle of milk I brought (4-5 ounces). THE WHOLE BOTTLE! No problem at all. He just gulped it down. Er, what the heck, little dude? Maybe he was super hungry and didn't care what fed him as long as he was fed. Anyway, he did great and the woman in charge of the daycare seems really sweet and caring toward him. What a relief!

Feeding Issues

D-6 before I go back to work. The first week is going to be awesome for Léo as he will be with the nanny and me on Monday, with Joe and his mom from Tuesday to Thursday, then with Joe's mom and me on Friday. That's a good way for me to ease back into work and a great way for Léo to spend time with his dad.

Today Léo is going to spend half a day at day care to meet people and see how it goes. I am dreading it, not because I don't trust the day care staff, but because I really dislike leaving him with other people. I'm sure it'll be fine... if he accepts to eat from a bottle. Last week Joe and I went to dinner and left Léo to Joe's parents. Léo refused to take a bottle and cried non stop. I had to go back and feed him. I didn't mind -I had to do that once when Joe was keeping Léo so that I could attend a church meeting- but that means we need to be more intentional about giving him a bottle every day. And we only have 6 more days.

I also need to pump so that day care has enough food for the first day. That might be a challenge, as I barely produce enough milk for Léo to eat. Yesterday he woke up at 1030 PM, 3 hours after his last meal, and I couldn't produce milk. I'm sure milk would have come had he kept on sucking, but he cried in frustration after a few minutes and we had to make a bottle, which he happily gulped down this time. It was only 3 oz because that's all I can pump these days. I wonder whether my body is reacting to the weather and to people. I am not kidding. I am happier when it's sunny outside and when I see people during the day. On days when both factors are met, my milk production is perfect. In Orange County, I had to pump because I produced too much between feedings! On days where it's rainy and I don't see people like yesterday I barely produce enough for him to eat. That means on good days he sleeps long stretches at night (he slept from 8 PM to 445 AM on Sunday. He was tired from his trip to OC but he also had enough to eat during the day) and on bad days he eats every 3 hours around the clock.

This week should be interesting. The weather won't be good until this weekend -what's up with that!- but I will see friends throughout the week. Hopefully my milk production won't fail me and Léo. And hopefully he'll have a blast at day care today and in 2 weeks!

Two Weeks

That's the time remaining before I go back to work. On one hand I am more than very excited to be with my friends again (friends, be ready, you won't get much done that week if you let me speak for too long. Don't hesitate to tell me to shut it!). On the other hand, returning to work itself is not really fun. I like my job, but I am not looking forward to some aspects of it. Also, I am not looking forward to not being with Léo all the time. Sometimes I would like to be alone, but NOT to go back to work -more like to go to Barnes, Target, get a haircut, take a nap. This is only a phase. Joe and I have decided that I will probably stop working when we have baby #2, which should coincide with the time we move back to Orange County if Joe is still in school by then (decision in the air for now). There's a time for everything, right? Now is the time to go back to work. I'll write a post about work/career/life balance soon.

I hope I will get some rest before that. I have been so tired lately. This morning, Joe woke up in a great mood because he slept 10 hours last night. That immediately put me in a bad mood because I haven't slept more than 4 hours in a row since Léo was born. It's okay. This, too, shall pass. Now is the time to be tired.

We're going to Orange County this weekend. I am SO excited about seeing friends, basking in the sunshine, and having family who will want to care for Léo. I am not excited about the airport experience and having to be on a plane. I am going to have to be cheerful so that Léo doesn't think his mom has become a frightened mess for a few hours. Oy. Please pray that everything goes well.

Blowing Bubbles

Léo's favorite activity -that, and chomping on his hands!

Last Visitors!

My brother, dad, and dad's girlfriend were the last visitors here. They spent 3 weeks in Seattle. They are energetic and always find things to do. Needless to say, Léo didn't have a routine during that time, yet he did really well and usually took regular -albeit short- naps during the day and slept 4-5 hours straight at night.

We had a great time!

My dad, helping Léo "walk." My dad's hand looks huge compared to Léo's body -that's probably because one is 6ft3 and the other 25 inches tall.

Grand time with Léo and Vlad.

Vlad cooked all the time. He's really good at it!

Alex and Léo had a really good time together. She spoke to him in German, which was fun.

Papi and Léo.

Uncle Vlad and Léo.

Overall, Léo was the center of attention and relished it all. I am so glad that they got to meet him and that we got to spend time together. Living far from my family is tough, but I will try to make it to France once a year.

My Brother

My family left today. My house feels empty and I already miss my brother terribly. I had written a short post about him last time he visited but I will give more details this time.

My brother hasn't had an easy childhood. My dad gave me pictures of Vlad from the time he was born to now and I could barely stand to look at the pictures of his early childhood because I knew what this sweet and innocent boy would have to go through in the years that followed. I was at home for some of the bad times, but I escaped most of it. I was lucky enough to only have to go through 2-3 years of craziness before I went to a boarding school when I was 15 whereas my brother couldn't leave the house. Whereas my mother saw me as a semi Goddess, she resented my brother and blamed him for a lot of her unhappiness. He bore most of her anger and had to deal with her physical and emotional violence. I had to deal with pretty crappy moments, too, but I was old enough to handle them. Contrary to me, he was not naive and dealt with my parents' arguments and my mom's addiction with eyes wide open. For instance, someone had to tell me that my mom drank when I was 15 (I seriously would have never guessed) while my brother, who was only 6, knew where she hid the bottles. Our experiences still shape who we are today: I am still naive and too forgiving and he is realistic and really protects himself by not letting our mom (or anyone else for that matter) invade his space.

Our lives were not bad, of course: we laughed a lot and our dad and our (sober) mom are great parents. It just amazes me that he has become such an intelligent young man with a healthy ego and a ferocious sense of humor. I love him so much because he's my brother but also because I know what he's gone through and what he is now, and I admire him for the resilience he's shown. I keep on asking him to move to the US but he's fine in Paris for now. I hope to change his mind in a couple of years when he applies for a Master's program.

I like this picture because it simply shows how well we get along.

OK, here is the deal

That picture of Léo my brother took was fantastic. I can't stop looking at it. I may have wanted to brag a bit by putting that on Facebook. In reality, my sweet boy looks more like that:

He's super cute still (hey he's my baby and I'm 100% biased) but on a day-to-day basis, there's a lot more drool, a lot more chins, and a lot more lips!

3 Months Old

(My brother took this pic this afternoon)

Léo turned 3 months old today. I remember when he was spitting up and crying tons at 2 weeks old and the nurse at the pediatrician's office said "it should pass by the time he's 3 months old." That seems like forever and a day to me and I seriously wanted to drop kick her. But it did go by fast... in retrospect! My little boy is growing and I love spending time with him.

A few things about him:

- His eyes are still blue!

- He smiles a lot and has even started to laugh today. It's the cutest thing in the world. I have a video of him laughing and I have watched it 10 times tonight (he's sleeping so I can't make him laugh)!

- He rolls over from tummy to back. He doesn't do it quite intentionally, but he has done it consistently when we do tummy time.

- He always finds a way to get his hands out from the swaddle sack at night or during naps, then wakes himself up because he still has a moro reflex. I don't quite know how to prevent that!

- He loves blowing bubbles.

- He is very attentive and quiet at times. When he wants someone's attention, he'll just smile at the person and turn his head shyly (think Lady Diana).

- He sleeps a lot. Like 16-18 hours per day. He falls asleep after being up for about 60-90 minutes. He's predictable that way.

- He just discovered that he can suck on his hands. He does that quite a lot -and drools tons in the process.

- He freezes when he sees a camera. We have to be sneaky to take a picture of him smiling or a video of him laughing.

- He's addicted to his pacifier.

- He sleeps better at night but still wakes up once or twice to eat. And he wakes up a lot when his pacifier falls from his mouth!

It's so amazing to see his brain work and see him develop day by day. He's super mellow and easy going. He seems to definitely be an introvert for now (he needs moments of calm more than he needs interaction) and I am learning to respect this by not overstimulating him. He loves to cuddle and chill. I love him so much and can't wait to see what the next weeks and months bring.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

1 day

1 month

2 months

Almost 3 months... and growing!