One of my new year resolutions is to intentionally find or create a community of like-minded people here in my neighborhood. And I'm slowly working on it!
I am still meeting with some French moms (I am hosting a book club in March) and going to a new book club in February. But the best part is that I now belong to a group of young moms who will meet on Feb 7-8 to watch the IF: Gathering, held in Austin and organized by Jen Hatmaker, Jennie Allen, and other really intelligent progressive Christian women. The premise of the meeting is "If god exists, then what?" What does it mean for our life, what is God's call in our life? How do we fit our lives into God's plan? I'm so happy to have found this group and hope this will be the beginning of great friendships.
So prayer answered!! I'm quite scared of meeting new people, but so grateful to have the opportunity to be part of this community -French moms, book lovers, and progressive Christian moms.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
My time in the DRC (the Never Again post!)
I traveled to Bukavu, in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, 5 years ago to be a volunteer in a hospital that has a special program caring for victims/survivors of sexual assault. I was to be there 4 months but because of administrative complications, I stayed in Nairobi (Kenya) for 2 months before going to Bukavu and staying there for the remaining 2 months. I did volunteer at the hospital. I saw the women and their children, interacted with the staff, visited the region a bit, went to UN parties... and I would never do that again!
There is a huge need there of course. Children are malnourished, civil war (and war with neighboring countries) is ongoing, sexual assault is used more than ever by civilians and armed forces alike. But... the Congolese don't need short-term volunteers. They need long-term, committed and compassionate people -that excludes most UN peace keepers, believe me. I feel guilty every time I think of my trip there. I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know the language, I didn't know how to interact with the population. I was clueless and fortunately didn't end up doing harm (but maybe I did?) but as sure as heck didn't do any good either.
Unless one has a history in the region -maybe was born there, knows people there, knows the language, culture, and context- one shouldn't plan on volunteering in this type of environments (or in any type of humanitarian / development setting) unless that commitment is for the long term. Mine was not. Mine was born of a desire to "go to the field," to strengthen my resume, to be in a place where I was in the middle of the action. Boy was I wrong -both in my assumptions and in my going there in the first place. I seriously feel a tremendous amount of guilt every time I think of this trip. I cringe when I talk about my time there. Sure, I learnt a great deal about the culture and the context -but at whose expense? I think Congolese people are fed up with white people trying to help, coming and going as their careers bring them to the DRC and take them away before any change happens. They're even fed up with peace keepers prying on their daughters (peace for sex? Please!), with NGO workers whose simple presence increases the price of every day goods, including rent and groceries, and with the situation not ever changing for the best. I would be fed up and even angry if I were from there. And I contributed to the problem with my short stint there.
I know better now. I will discourage anyone from going to this type of environment for a very short time -maybe go with Habitat in a peaceful context, but make sure your actions will not cause harm. I will not go anywhere on my own again -I could be seconded with my work but I know I'll be surrounded by professionals and I'll have a clear mandate. And I will donate to the hospital instead of thinking that my presence and skills (especially 5 years ago!) will make a difference.
There is a huge need there of course. Children are malnourished, civil war (and war with neighboring countries) is ongoing, sexual assault is used more than ever by civilians and armed forces alike. But... the Congolese don't need short-term volunteers. They need long-term, committed and compassionate people -that excludes most UN peace keepers, believe me. I feel guilty every time I think of my trip there. I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know the language, I didn't know how to interact with the population. I was clueless and fortunately didn't end up doing harm (but maybe I did?) but as sure as heck didn't do any good either.
Unless one has a history in the region -maybe was born there, knows people there, knows the language, culture, and context- one shouldn't plan on volunteering in this type of environments (or in any type of humanitarian / development setting) unless that commitment is for the long term. Mine was not. Mine was born of a desire to "go to the field," to strengthen my resume, to be in a place where I was in the middle of the action. Boy was I wrong -both in my assumptions and in my going there in the first place. I seriously feel a tremendous amount of guilt every time I think of this trip. I cringe when I talk about my time there. Sure, I learnt a great deal about the culture and the context -but at whose expense? I think Congolese people are fed up with white people trying to help, coming and going as their careers bring them to the DRC and take them away before any change happens. They're even fed up with peace keepers prying on their daughters (peace for sex? Please!), with NGO workers whose simple presence increases the price of every day goods, including rent and groceries, and with the situation not ever changing for the best. I would be fed up and even angry if I were from there. And I contributed to the problem with my short stint there.
I know better now. I will discourage anyone from going to this type of environment for a very short time -maybe go with Habitat in a peaceful context, but make sure your actions will not cause harm. I will not go anywhere on my own again -I could be seconded with my work but I know I'll be surrounded by professionals and I'll have a clear mandate. And I will donate to the hospital instead of thinking that my presence and skills (especially 5 years ago!) will make a difference.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2013 Recap
Happy New Year friends. May 2014 bring you joy and peace.
So, it's time to recap 2013. I saw this post on the Rage Against the Minivan -who got it herself from All and Sundry. What a great way to sum up the year! Here goes:
– richer or poorer? Poorer. But not poor, poor. Just not as much money as last year -but it's all right.
So, it's time to recap 2013. I saw this post on the Rage Against the Minivan -who got it herself from All and Sundry. What a great way to sum up the year! Here goes:
1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
Hmmm, nothing really! Well, I started working from home full time, and that I had never done before. But nothing adventurous!
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Ha. Haha. Hahahaha. Nope, I didn't. I don't even know what my resolutions were last year. Ok, so I went back to my blog post from last January and those were my resolutions: be kinder to the dogs (nope), eat healthier (um, nope, nope, nope), save money (uh, nope), smile more (maybe).
This year I do have resolutions: love my body, whatever shape or weight it is, intentionally find or create a community, update this blog weekly, and make Léo bilingual. At work, read and learn more about child protection, best practices, and be better at my job -which I still love!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
YES! My friends Karen and Perry welcomed sweet Aiden in July and my friend Jen gave birth in August to her beautiful Julia.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, unfortunately. Joe's cousin, Todd, died in October.
5. What countries did you visit?
El Salvador, Germany, Honduras. 2 of those were new!
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
Time - to silence my mind and pray, to plan and dream, to write.
7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 10th - my dad got married to Alexandra. May 31st - we left Seattle and moved to California.
December 5 - Nelson Mandela died.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- I thought working from home would be more difficult, but I am an introvert and not being around people works for me -though I do miss my friends greatly. So that was good.
- Also I survived HEAT (Hostile Environment Awareness Training) - a hard core training for work- and made great friends there. As in lasting friendships. Really good!
- Finally I met with French moms. I do not like meeting new people but I went to 3/4 events this year with French moms. Yay me.
9. What was your biggest failure?
No big failure, fortunately. I need to be more patient with Léo but I wouldn't say my parenting was a failure. Ah yes. I didn't speak French to Léo. And I was not patient with my mom at all -I actually ended up being quite annoyed at her and angry. That is a big failure, right there.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, thankfully.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A new car! It's good because I don't feel trapped at home but I walk close to zero yard a day now. Quite disappointing.
12. Where did most of your money go?
Taxes, trip to Europe, move, car. Too many trips to Target.
13. What did you get really excited about?
Our move! Lots of sunshine!! Lots of time with family. And spending time with my family in France as well as 2 days in Paris with Joe and Léo. The best. I miss Paris.
14. What song will always remind you of 2013?
Sadly, Blurred Lines -because it's Léo's dance party song.
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Happier thanks to the sunshine. Sadder because I have fewer friends close by. Definitely happier because I see family a lot. Happier because my marriage is stronger. Sadder because I don't have a spiritual community. Overall HAPPIER!
– thinner or fatter? Uh, fatter damnit.– richer or poorer? Poorer. But not poor, poor. Just not as much money as last year -but it's all right.
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I had journaled more. It's obvious from this recap exercise I don't remember much of what happened this past year!! I wish I had been focused on the present more: I think of personal stuff at work, I don't focus on Léo when he asks me to play because racing cars and planes all day is a bit tiring, I just go through days like a robot. I wish I had been more mindful of the daily joys of the past year -there were many.
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Less TV for sure.
18. How did you spend Christmas?
With family at Joe's parents (night of the 24th) and Joe's sister (day of the 25th). It was great.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
Oh, so many! I am addicted to TV shows!! Masters of Sex, Sherlock, Call the Midwife, Games of Throne, Ray Donovan, Dexter, and Spiral.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Oh so many, too! Behind the Beautiful Forevers was really interesting. Carry On Warriors was touching and hilarious. The Light Between Oceans was beautiful and heartbreaking. Quiet allowed me to identify as an introvert and feel less weird!
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
I'm a bit of a dork but I loved "Mirrors" from Justin Timberlake. I also discovered The Civil Wars band and love them -and their station on Pandora.
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
I catch up with French movies quite late and this year I loved Polisse and The Intouchables. Excellent movies.
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I don't think we did much, actually. I turned 33.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Being healthier would have been better -financially, physically, even emotionally. But overall it was a pretty good and satisfying year!
Oh, feeling more competent at work would definitely have made my work life more satisfying! I'll work on that next year.
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
Sweat pants, long skirts, comfy sweaters. I wouldn't call this fashion, really!
26. What kept you sane?
Seeing family so much, Léo's laughter, friends at and outside of work, BBC podcasts, Netflix streaming. And reading again. For a while I couldn't focus enough to read but I read a lot this year -and I love it!
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
The main thing is that I am the one in charge of my happiness. I cannot expect others to make me happy or resent people when I feel frustrated. Also one of my main defense mechanisms is to forget bad stuff -but that means I forget a lot of the good, too. I tend to live on the surface a lot -in order not to feel too much. I don't know how to fight this because I have been doing that for years. Maybe writing on this blog more often will help me stay grounded.
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