Sunday, July 25, 2010

Boot Camp Experiment: Bust!

All right, this waking up at 5:30 thing didn't work out for me. I quit. Well, I can still go until August 4 and I might try to wake my butt up, but I have a seriously may-jah hard time waking up early. So boot camp / sweat / pain Vs sleep? Yeah, sleep wins, hands down. Plus I have been feeling pretty much like crap lately. It's Depression Central in my mind, and I just don't feel like doing anything that requires effort. last Monday was the 18th anniversary of my father's death, and while usually I don't really care this time it hit me like a crap load of bricks. I just felt sad and angry. Today I have been cranky and super depressed. I can't blame it on the weather, since it's been sunny this whole time. I don't know what is happening. I just need to stop staring at my belly button and focusing so much on me-me-me. I think I need a vacation -I haven't had one since last September.

So all that to say I am almost officially done with boot camp. I'll just play tennis now. I can play in the evenings and actually enjoy it. Except when I'm cranky and want to smash my racket on the ground. But that doesn't happen too often...

Monday, July 19, 2010

Happy Birthday Mr Mandela!


Yesterday was Nelson Mandela's birthday. He turned 92. He and Desmond Tutu are probably my 2 favorite people on earth -the Dalai Lama is right up there as well. He is the image of peace, compassion, smart politics, and reunification.

I pray he doesn't leave this world too soon. The world needs him a little more.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I Miss France

Just sayin'.

I do well here in the US. I like the country (most of the time!) and love my life. But sometimes -like today because I know it's July 14th and people celebrated- I miss French people, however frustrating they can be, and French culture, especially books and movies. I just miss feeling I'm at home. Actually when I am in France I feel at home and I also feel like a stranger because I have missed so much, in terms of music and TV and daily references. But being in France is... I don't know. It just feels natural and easy. I am so fortunate to have an awesome French colleague with whom I work closely. We laugh together like no other and have the same cultural references. That helps.

So right now I wish I could be home, with my family. I wish I could tease and hug my brother. I wish I could walk in the streets of Paris, take the metro, see my friends, speak French, and enjoy Bastille Day with the rest of my country.

Wuss

My life is not super interesting at the moment (work-home-work-home), so thank God for boot camp!

This past Monday, I realized that, yeah... I'm kind of a wuss when it comes to working out! Kelly says "10 more seconds" and my brain goes "all done!" She says "20 push ups" and my brain thinks "riiight, try 10." And as soon as it starts hurting (push up #3. Did I mention I do half push ups?) my body is all "DOOD, ouch. Stop. Now." And for some reason I listen to my brain and body. I wish I were one of those people pushing through the pain, but nope. I STOP. Seriously, when I was 11 I got a note from my doctor saying I had asthma because I didn't want to run during gym class. Yeah, that's my level of commitment to anything cardio/gym/pain-related. Imagine me giving birth. "Oooh, yeah, ok, that was fun, but I'm not going to go through with that. Pushing? Nuh-uh, I don't think so. I'll just stop and see what happens."


So the challenge to myself for the next boot camp is to go to the end of 2 exercises -plank, running around the block, anything! Just push through the pain and build up some resistance and strength.

On a totally unrelated note, Happy Bastille Day!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Boot Camp - Week 1

I started boot camp on Wednesday morning. It was so difficult to wake up at 5:30, but so great to be done with my workout at 7am! We were indoors and did a bunch of stuff, from push-ups and running around the block to crunches and leg exercises. It was tough, but it was fun. I have no cardio whatsoever, but plan on building that in the next few weeks -maybe I'll run around Greenlake on the weekend. I couldn't finish some of the circuits and cut my number of push-ups from 20 to 10 to... well, not that many! I sweated way too much and breathed like a smoker running a marathon. The next day I rediscovered some muscles I thought were long gone. Well, welcome back to my life, my precious!

The woman leading the boot camp, Kelly, was super nice and encouraging. All the girls there are also really nice. I was afraid there would be some competition, but nope. Oh, the best part: they give you free Vitamin water and I also got a free yoga mat. Score!

Thanks to the heat here I haven't eaten too much and have lost a couple of pounds. I was afraid I would eat like a pig because "hey, I burnt many calories this morning" but that hasn't happened. Not yet anyway.

Next session: Monday. And oddly enough, I can't wait!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Change

Post in which I sound even more spoiled and whiny than usual.

This moving experiment has taught me a few things. The main thing is this: I do not like change when it comes to the place I live. I can handle and welcome any other changes in my life, but where I spend my down time is not something to be taken lightly. I have been thinking about our former apartment building a little too much in the past few days and I do miss it. Yes, the apartment was small and probably over-priced. Still, we had all the amenities we wanted and the comfort of being taken care of by the building people. I had created a routine for myself when I worked from home. I didn't work from home because the dogs are too demanding but I worked from the community room (and I could watch the soccer games from the TV there). Now I have to create a new routine, and, as I said... I do not quite like it. As much as I want to believe that I'd be fine in any environment, I am not. As a child I could never sleep at a friend's house because I needed my bed. Yeah... that should have told me something! Even now, I can only stand to sleep at someone else's place when it's only for a day or two. After that I mentally freak out and want to go home.

This inability to adapt to change in my living conditions is what made me really dislike my time in Bukavu. And that makes me think that maybe I should revise my career and work with kids locally. Because as much as I would like to be seconded somewhere (and I now have to really seriously think about one opportunity with work), I now know I might be miserable and only count the days until I am home again.

Now I am counting the days until Joe comes home and we make this place our home. Hopefully this will happen soon. I don't like not feeling at home in my own home.


Evening update: well, today was a good day actually! It started by a bootcamp session at 6 (more on that later), then the dog park, then work. I actually felt good in the house. I talked a bit more to my downstairs neighbor, Megan. She's the nicest person! She and her husband are from Dallas and will stay in Seattle for a year. They miss their community and want to make friends. I hope we'll hang out often. So right there, in my house, are great potential friends. It's all going to be all right. This feels good.

Monday, July 5, 2010

I am bored.

Joe has left yesterday morning for the East Coast for a few days of vacation and a couple days of work in Boston during the weekend. He's coming back on Sunday. Usually when he's gone I enjoy myself thoroughly. Not this time. This time I am bored. As in I don't feel like doing anything. I don't feel like cleaning, putting things together in the new house, reading (there you know I have a problem!), watching tv (oh wait, I don't have cable yet, so I can't watch TV anyway). What did I do before when Joe left? I don't like being bored. Granted, I am not a very creative person when it comes to finding things to do. You could put me in the middle of Time Square and I'd find a way to be bored. Still. I am almost glad I have to go back to work tomorrow, and I am already dreading next weekend. Come back home, Joe!

Note: I do realize that I am spoiled and that the minute I give birth I will remember this blog post fondly.