A few things about his development:
- His eyes are still blue. We know this will change soon but we're enjoying this beautiful color for now. Blue is actually my favorite color (which explains why more than 3/4 of Léo's clothes are blue!). And yellow. But yellow eyes would look weird.
- He sleeps for about 3-4 hours during the first stretch of the night, from about 11-3 (but then he makes up for it by waking up every 2 hours). Last night he slept from 12 to 2:30 only but he's usually fine sleeping longer hours.
- He is juuust starting to smile. I'm not sure it's a full on smile yet, but I think he's starting to respond to our big smiles with a little one on his own (not followed by a fart of spit up, which his smiles usually announce).
- He's holding his head pretty straight even though we never do formal tummy time. He's a strong little guy.
- His cries are definitely different depending on what he needs. He sounds like a newborn when he's hungry for instance. We can tell pain from frustration and fatigue. It's helpful to read his cues.
- He doesn't like his bouncer anymore. He hates his car seat (which means I dread going anywhere and stay home most of the time). He doesn't like sleeping in his co-sleeper (but sleeps like a champ in my arms or in the Baby Bjorn if we take walks outside).
- He always looks at his left side. And then stares and stares. He doesn't care much for faces. He's still in his own little world most of the time. Of course this worries me a lot but he's just starting to finally look at us at times and maybe smile, so I am trying not to be impatient.
As for me... I feel better than I did when he was about 2 weeks old -thank God! But I am still sleep deprived. I mainly feel guilty because I don't do much during the day (I kind of feel like a lazy bum to be honest) and I feel lost trying to put Léo on a routine (right now there is no routine that I can see though I track meals and naps on a little booklet). My brain feels like it's been bulldozed. I don't have enough focus to read -not even magazines- so I watch TV all day (I recommend "Army Wives" for empty entertainment). I don't want to go back to work but maybe going to work would give a sense to my day. Right now I feel... I don't know. Not depressed at all. More directionless. I can't plan anything because Léo doesn't have a routine. I can't plan anything during his naps because I don't know how long he will sleep -and usually by the time he falls asleep in my arms and gets to his co-sleeper I only have one hour of "freedom" during which I'd rather snack than be active. Maybe it's a poor excuse -I should go out now that he's so young and undemanding. I am not a very spontaneous person to begin with, so maybe I should create a routine on my own (Monday Target, Tuesday Barnes. Yes, that's my kind of fun). I need to organize my brain so that I don't feel so jello all the time. That's my next task then: organize a routine and feel a bit more productive.
Here is a comparison between May 9th and June 9th. June 9th already ... Time is really flying by! My brother and dad will be here on the 22nd and that day Joe starts school again (one class only to get back into the rhythm of studying). I don't go back to work until August 1st, so I still have time before I can officially freak out about leaving Léo to a daycare (which reminds me, I need to find a daycare. Crap!). Ok, picture time!!
One month old.
Two months old.
2 comments:
I love those photos! Such a sweetheart!
Girlfriend, don't be hard on yourself saying you're a "lazy bum". You're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing during this time, and you're doing it intentionally and thoughtfully with love - that's all that really matters right now!
It was weird for me too trying to establish a routine and structure. Oliver basically didn't nap at all with any kind of routine for five months, so I just created my own little routine around nursing times. In the beginning, it was exactly like you said: Monday - Target, Tuesday - Albertsons, etc. etc. Once I got "good" at that and figured out the prime times for Oliver to be out and about, then we started doing things with more substance. I don't think you're alone in this feeling of directionless. I felt that way too and I'm sure most new moms (even if they don't admit it) felt like that!
I think we're used to accomplishing a lot each day, and multi-tasking really well. I mean, at work you have 200 emails a day, phone calls, meetings, lunch dates with friends, and then you come home to juggle your house, pets, time with Joe, etc. etc. I think when 90% of those activities get replaced with a little tiny baby (who can't really communicate with you), it's normal to feel the way you do.
Anyway, I don't have any good answers, I just wanted to affirm that I think it's ok to feel like you do in this stage of Leo's life. He can feel your love and feels secure and that's a huge accomplishment momma!
Ok so I know this is your blog Johanna and I feel like it must be annoying that I always compare what I'm going through with Sam - but it is exactly the same (just about) and Heidi's comments are very affirming. It's hard to feel directionless and lazy, even if you know in your head that's not true. Sam hates his carseat too = don't really want to go anywhere. I want to hang out with you and I'm sick of my house, but if I try to venture out without the Bjorn it's a disaster, and my back is pretty tired these days. :) I'm glad we get to share a drink tomorrow!
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