ONE!

My sweet baby boy is one. Yesterday I read "your baby will be a toddler when he turns one, or if you want, when he walks." Um, how about, as my dear friend Jen suggested, when he turns 18 months old? Yeah, I'll go with that.

It's been a fast year. He has grown so much, physically, intellectually, emotionally. He was kind of a spineless blob and now he's a funny and happy little man.

I went through pictures of him yesterday and... I do not regret ANY day that happened before today. I have loved Léo with all my heart and all my soul from the day he was born, but saying I enjoyed this first year thoroughly would be a big fat lie. The first weeks were difficult. I was a crying mess in the first two weeks. I dreaded the nights, when I felt so alone and helpless (as a matter of fact I started being withdrawn and depressed at about 8PM every day and couldn't wait until the sun came up). I worried about everything. Fortunately I have had the greatest network of girlfriends. They were (and still are) willing and ready to answer every single one of my questions and encouraged me daily -and checked up on me frequently, for which I am so, so thankful. And they kept on saying "It gets better. Hang in there. It gets better."

And it did! I don't know when exactly I stopped worrying about everything, but gradually the cloud lifted. I still haven't found my brain. I still go through bouts of emptiness and mild depression. I still waver between wanting to be a stay at home mom and having a career (this morning I got emails from two different women I know. One decided to stay home and the other is moving to LA for a great job opportunity. Both emails made my heart stir). I still question a lot of things. But I know I am a good mom. Joseph is an amazing father. Léo is happy. There is no doubt in my mind that we are raising a healthy, confident, and happy child.

I also have discovered new things about myself: I can live with barely any sleep at all, I love seeing the world through my child's eyes, I can make good decisions about parenting, I don't care about milestones anymore. And I have discovered a love I didn't know existed. A fierce, protective, yet tender love for my baby. He is my sunshine, my everything.

A few things about him as he starts his second year:
- He loves purple! On Sunday we went to a baby's party and there were plenty of colorful balls. He only picked the purple ones. At home we gave him crayons and again he only picked the purples one.
- He anticipates things. When we tickle him he starts laughing even before we touch him. Obviously we've been tickling him a lot.
- He points to what he wants. he points with his hand wide open so sometimes it's tough to know what he really wants (our house is a mess!).
- He loves dogs. he will stare at them, run after them, and laugh at them. He always plays with Piper and wants kisses from her (he opens his mouth wide and says "aaa"!)
- He still loves the vacuum cleaner (see the other blog).
- He loves walking and sometimes tries to run.
- He tries to put 2 sounds together. Right now he loves the sound of the letter "L." He puts his little tongue between his teeth and goes at it "LLLLL." And then he says "dl-dl-dl." I can't wait for his first word -which reminds me, I need to stop cussing so much. Yikes.
- He understands French. When I open my arms and ask for a hug, he comes to me and gives me a hug. When I ask "Where is..." he starts looking around. I love that he gets a bit of French (I only see him a couple of hours per day during the work week so his French immersion is limited).

After the excitement of this last year he decided that he would start his second year being a DIVA!




WE LOVE YOU LEO!!