In the midst of all world tragedies and all that is heavy, let me offer you this first world problem post. (I can't write about the world right now. Too much to say, no adequate words to express feelings).
One of my main love languages is gifts. I don't think I grew up with a lot of gifts when I was very young, but I remember getting gifts for good grades and birthdays, and those gifts were always special. As I grew up, the gifts my parents chose for me and my brother (ok, mostly gifts my mom chose for us because she was the one shopping) were always personal and spot on. To this day, I try to choose gifts that mean something to people to show i know and love them and I do like receiving gifts that correspond to my personality. That makes me feel loved.
So it's no wonder I do the same with Léo. I show my love for him by giving him little gifts all the time. And that has created a huge issue. He expects gifts. He expects a toy when we go to Target. He expects a lollipop when I pick him up from school. And if there is nothing, a huge tantrum ensues. I need to stop that -but it is difficult for me because I need to change the way I show love, and I need to do it in a way that I know will be positive for Léo but that won't bring me as much joy. I know parenting is not about me. It's really about who I want him to be. And I want him to be grateful, to appreciate Joe's and my presence rather than presents ( yeah yeah I read that on Pinterest.... and it stuck), to enjoy the little things in life, etc.
And I need to change the way I do things stat because he's already 3, a new little one is coming who will most likely rock his world for a few months, he's going to change school and hear a new language for 9 hours a day (not a good time to change things in his life). I know he won't remember much about what happened when he was so little. Now is the time. And I mean now, as in this month and next. So August might be challenging for us. For me because I need to learn to express my love in new ways. For him because he's 3 and toys are fun and tantrums easy to throw. Wish us luck!
3 comments:
You're such a thoughtful mom Johanna! I don't think you need to change your love language necessarily...Maybe just change what constitutes a gift, you know? Maybe it's renting a special movie or making him cookies (err, not that there's going to be a lot of time for that), but you know, meaningful things that doesn't necessarily cost money or can be bought, but are still "gifts"? I think that's a lot of people's love language and it doesn't necessarily mean it is equated with materialism or entitlement, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. But I understand what you're saying about curbing the expectation and tantrums. Age 3 was so hard for me anyways, I'm not sure I have any good advice. Other than, 4 is soooooo much better!
p.s. Just came across this article this morning, and thought you might like it! http://nourishingminimalism.com/2014/07/18-non-toy-gifts-for-children.html
I appreciated this post! My love language is quality time, but when it comes to toddlers (at least my own), quality time doesn't always mean that much to him. Kids like tangible things (gummies! cars!), so it's hard not to give in and show them our love in that way. If you ask Miles if he likes Target, he says, "Me get toys at Target!" (Thanks, grandparents...) What you wrote about Leo being 3, and "toys are fun and tantrums easy to throw" rings a bell with me, except that Miles is 2, but is quickly approaching 3, which I hear is horrible. Haha! Keep posting what you learn, and maybe I can learn some tips before Miles turns 3. ;)
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