Finding God in the Mundane

In an email to a friend, I told her I haven't opened a Bible or prayed in months. Here is what she emailed back:

'You know, in some stages of life, such as in the early days of motherhood, etc. sometimes prayer is looking at your baby's hand and thanking God for the wonder and tenderness of His care and image in this precious child. That prayer of the heart...cherishing God in the day-to-day life of motherhood...IS devotion and prayer.'

That warmed my heart. God in Léo's hand... So evident, yet so good to hear.

7-Year Cycle

I thought that the year I was 16 was the best year of my life. I cried when I turned 17! When I was 23, Joe proposed and I graduated from la Sorbonne. At 30, I gave birth to Léo.

I can't wait to be 37!

Last Day

Today is the last day I spend alone with Léo. I don't quite know how I feel. Sad for sure. I enjoy spending time with him -and spending time relaxing when he naps! I love staying at home when the weather is good. I love finding new ways to make him laugh during the day. At the same time, I am looking forward to seeing my friends again and to get out of the house more. I feel that my brain is pretty fuzzy (think old TV which refuses to work) and it might be hard to sustain intelligent conversations for a while but it'll be good to try! I always knew I would go back to work, so I am not crushed that it's already August. I am surprised that time went by so quickly, however. My baby is already 16 weeks old -well, tomorrow.

I will definitely go back to work with a new attitude. I hate to sound so shallow, but I know I am not going to get promoted anytime soon, so I will take it easy. I will do my job well but I won't try to go too much above and beyond since there will be no sustainable gain in the end. For now I will focus on catching up with everything that has happened in the past 3.5 months and on pumping enough milk for Léo. It should not be stressful at all.

Still, I will miss my bundle of boy!

Update: Ok, so I've been crying about it this evening. I really will miss him!

Awesome Purchase

Today I bought Milkies, aka " the milk saver". It's to use on the non nursing side while breastfeeding and it stores the milk that leaks during let down -you then put the milk in a bad and store it. First time I used it I got almost 1 ounce, which usually goes to waste. Right now every little drop counts as my production is still a bit low. ONE ounce. I must have fed Léo about 800 times + since he was born. That's a lot of wasted milk. Without counting night feedings, I feed him about 5 times per day. That's a bottle right there. I'm so thrilled.

This milk-saver thing is going to be part of any gift package I am making for pregnant moms from now on (Nancy, Melanie, Crystal: sorry to spoil one of your surprises!)

PS: Contrary to what they say on their website, I don't find the stuff "slim" and don't agree with the fact that "no one will ever know you're wearing it." It's bulky. Whatever. It does the job well!

Daycare: Success!

Léo did awesome at day care! He stayed there for 3 hours -and slept during half that time. He drank the whole bottle of milk I brought (4-5 ounces). THE WHOLE BOTTLE! No problem at all. He just gulped it down. Er, what the heck, little dude? Maybe he was super hungry and didn't care what fed him as long as he was fed. Anyway, he did great and the woman in charge of the daycare seems really sweet and caring toward him. What a relief!

Feeding Issues

D-6 before I go back to work. The first week is going to be awesome for Léo as he will be with the nanny and me on Monday, with Joe and his mom from Tuesday to Thursday, then with Joe's mom and me on Friday. That's a good way for me to ease back into work and a great way for Léo to spend time with his dad.

Today Léo is going to spend half a day at day care to meet people and see how it goes. I am dreading it, not because I don't trust the day care staff, but because I really dislike leaving him with other people. I'm sure it'll be fine... if he accepts to eat from a bottle. Last week Joe and I went to dinner and left Léo to Joe's parents. Léo refused to take a bottle and cried non stop. I had to go back and feed him. I didn't mind -I had to do that once when Joe was keeping Léo so that I could attend a church meeting- but that means we need to be more intentional about giving him a bottle every day. And we only have 6 more days.

I also need to pump so that day care has enough food for the first day. That might be a challenge, as I barely produce enough milk for Léo to eat. Yesterday he woke up at 1030 PM, 3 hours after his last meal, and I couldn't produce milk. I'm sure milk would have come had he kept on sucking, but he cried in frustration after a few minutes and we had to make a bottle, which he happily gulped down this time. It was only 3 oz because that's all I can pump these days. I wonder whether my body is reacting to the weather and to people. I am not kidding. I am happier when it's sunny outside and when I see people during the day. On days when both factors are met, my milk production is perfect. In Orange County, I had to pump because I produced too much between feedings! On days where it's rainy and I don't see people like yesterday I barely produce enough for him to eat. That means on good days he sleeps long stretches at night (he slept from 8 PM to 445 AM on Sunday. He was tired from his trip to OC but he also had enough to eat during the day) and on bad days he eats every 3 hours around the clock.

This week should be interesting. The weather won't be good until this weekend -what's up with that!- but I will see friends throughout the week. Hopefully my milk production won't fail me and Léo. And hopefully he'll have a blast at day care today and in 2 weeks!

Two Weeks

That's the time remaining before I go back to work. On one hand I am more than very excited to be with my friends again (friends, be ready, you won't get much done that week if you let me speak for too long. Don't hesitate to tell me to shut it!). On the other hand, returning to work itself is not really fun. I like my job, but I am not looking forward to some aspects of it. Also, I am not looking forward to not being with Léo all the time. Sometimes I would like to be alone, but NOT to go back to work -more like to go to Barnes, Target, get a haircut, take a nap. This is only a phase. Joe and I have decided that I will probably stop working when we have baby #2, which should coincide with the time we move back to Orange County if Joe is still in school by then (decision in the air for now). There's a time for everything, right? Now is the time to go back to work. I'll write a post about work/career/life balance soon.

I hope I will get some rest before that. I have been so tired lately. This morning, Joe woke up in a great mood because he slept 10 hours last night. That immediately put me in a bad mood because I haven't slept more than 4 hours in a row since Léo was born. It's okay. This, too, shall pass. Now is the time to be tired.

We're going to Orange County this weekend. I am SO excited about seeing friends, basking in the sunshine, and having family who will want to care for Léo. I am not excited about the airport experience and having to be on a plane. I am going to have to be cheerful so that Léo doesn't think his mom has become a frightened mess for a few hours. Oy. Please pray that everything goes well.