4 Generations

My mom and grandma left yesterday. It was great having them here with us. We shared stories and I listened to their wealth of experience and wisdom. It's amazing how much grandmas know. I'm always on the internet trying to figure things out and my grandma gives me the exact same advise I find online -only better, because she's my grandma! My mom helped a lot with telling me how she did with me and my brother and also with chores (like holding Léo's pacifier in his mouth, vacuuming, and washing/folding clothes), which was such a relief. I was able to take showers and make teas, take time to eat breakfast, and above all, we went out and they helped with Léo -who, we've come to realize, hates his car seat and wails until we hold him in our arms.

My mom really loves Léo. She got her groove back pretty easily with him and loved washing him when he was in his bath, giving him bottles, and rocking him to sleep. It's hard to live far from her because we have quite a fusional relationship (some might call it co-dependency) though it is tainted at times by addiction and the effects that has on family life. It's a kind of Jekyll and Hyde situation in my mind, where I see my mom as two different persons depending on her state of mind. That's why I can't resent sober-mom for whatever the other mom did or said. Anyway, she was awesome when she was here -the mom and grandma I want in my and Léo's life. It was so hard to say goodbye.

My grandma made me cry countless times when I heard her sing or tell Léo "I've been waiting for you for so long. I can leave in peace now." She wasn't the best mom to my mom and her siblings, but she's been the best grandma to me. I spent so much time with her growing up and I have fond memories of our time together. I simply adore her! She's tiny and cute and no-nonsense and fun in a very un-intentional way. I love her so and miss her so much.

Living far from family is not a good situation. I really do not like it. I want Léo to bond with his family and to celebrate year-round events with them. We fortunately have Skype, but it's not the same. I wish my mom (and grandma!) could come for months at a time. Maybe she can do that soon. In the meantime, I am going back to work early so that I have vacation time left and I'll try to go to France this fall. Léo needs to know his French family, too.

So now it's Léo and me. Yesterday he slept pretty much all day. Today he's been sleeping again. So far so good. He's not smiling yet and doesn't look at my face ever. Actually he never looks at what I show him. He just stares at the book on the book shelves or at the blinds and the trees (like in the pic below). He's a sweet and fun little guy.