Someone heard me!

Léo slept from 830-645 last night.

That was nice!

Nights

Léo has been such a joyous little toddler lately. He’s funny, loves to be chased, stares at people in the street until they look at him and then buries his head in Joe’s or my shoulder, babbles non-stop, smiles and hugs all the time. Daytime is splendid.

Night time is another story. In the past few months, Léo has been better at sleeping through the night a couple to a few times a week –that usually means 8 or 9 hours straight. He sleeps on average 12 hours per day –which is below average but still within an acceptable range. When he was a newborn and until he was about 4 months old –pretty much until we unswaddled him- he slept more than average: 20 hours per day when he was just born to 16 hours at 4 months. Then, as you know, it all changed and we’ve been struggling with night sleep. He still sleeps a lot during the day but nights are tougher. We have better nights than when he was 8 months old and woke up twice a day for up to 2-3 hours at a time during which he needed to be rocked. Now he wakes up once for one to two hours –and still needs to be rocked. Sometimes he lets us rock him on the glider but most nights we stand up and rock him while he sits straight –as if he were in the Ergo.

Last week was terrible because he was sick. Joe and I spent two nights taking turns rocking him for more than three hours. I cried and cried in frustration. Yesterday he refused to go to bed until 10. Now I know he’s only 14 months old so when I say he refused to go to bed I mean he refused to be rocked. I could have put him in his crib and let him cry but I just can't do that.

Long story short, I feel like a failure. I know sleep is important for his body and his mind yet I can’t bring myself to do sleep training. I know I created this routine that keeps him awake at night and I know I need to get rid of it but I feel too guilty to let him cry it out (plus we have neighbors who might not appreciate being woken by a screaming baby at 2AM). Part of me realizes that avoiding CIO is for me as much as it is for him: *I* hate hearing him cry and I’d rather rock him for hours than face his tears. But really, the boy needs sleep. Joe and I need sleep. So I’m going to try to find a solution that is not 100% CIO but that will allow him to constantly sleep through the night. I will talk to his daycare providers and try to enforce two naps a day -we're having a bit of an issue with that right now. I feel we’re back to square 1 (8 months ago when I first started sleep training).

Maybe I can hire a nanny that will stay with Léo while he cries it out and Joe and I go out for a drink or three. I wish…

14 months!

Last month I didn't write anything when Léo turned 13 months old because, well, now that he's over a year old, is there really a use writing a monthly update? But it's been two months and though Léo hasn't changed that much, life with him has changed. You guys, he's such a treat! This week he was sick so I got to spend 3 whole days with him and I loved it. LOVED IT. I also love my job so I won't quit but lemme tell you, it's tempting. I feel so sad having to go back to work tomorrow. So torn. When I went back from maternity leave I felt guilty but now I know what I'm missing. TONS. I'm missing being able to speak to him in French all day long. I'm missing his constant "talking" (everything sounds like daddy, daly, and doggy but with enough variations that you know he's having something like a 12-word vocabulary). I'm missing just hanging out and going out with him -today as a matter of fact we went out between every nap and it was awesome. Uh, it's so hard having to go back to work!

As I said, nothing major has happened. No new words, no new development (no sleeping through the night. Uh). But he's doing more and more of the little things that make him so fun: walking like a robot, walking with little steps, dancing, walking backwards, asking to be chased all. the. time, starting to like reading books (it's now part of our bedtime routine), showing constant love for me (he's definitely in a mommy phase right now) by hugging me and wanting to be in my arms, learning to open doors (which comes in handy for him during bedtime routine when we're reading on the floor, and he suddenly gets up, opens the door of his bedroom, and WALKS OUT). And his smile. Oh, I just can't get enough of his smile and laughter. He's my pride and joy.

Mini-Jedi! (yeah, that's foam pipe insulator)

Not able to choose just one cart! This boy needs the same thing in each hand (usually food!).

Trying to put shoes on.

Charity and a Bath

The organization I work for is big on not offering direct benefits to the people we work with -direct benefits would be school fees, books, uniforms, etc. We're big on community development and sustainable programs -programs that will last long after the organization leaves communities. In short, we're moving away from giving people stuff. Well, today I did exactly what my organization says not to do: I handed out stuff. And you know what? I don't feel that bad about it!

I was walking downtown with Léo and I saw a woman asking for money. She had a baby with her, her 8-month old son. That just broke my heart. So I gave her the change I had and went to a store. But it bugged me that I didn't do more, so I asked what her baby needed. She said diapers and wipes. So off I went and bought just that -plus butt cream, just in case. When I went back to her, I noticed that she had another bag from the same store I had just gone to -I saw another mom talk to her and I'm sure she and I had the same idea.

I know this is not a solution. It's temporary -it lasts only as long as the diapers last. It's definitely not sustainable. It doesn't empower her. But it helps her right now. It's been proven that not enough diapers = diaper rash = crying baby = more stress for parents = sometimes violence against children. So, maybe having enough diapers for a week will give this mom relief.

And this reminds me to have a soft heart for donors who want to "do something now" and "give stuff" to a community. It'll remind me to educate rather than judge. Change is gradual -both in donors and in the communities we serve.

_______________

Totally unrelated... Tonight Léo was in a good mood again! He slept through the night yesterday (yes! Plus Joe was on "duty" last night so he's on again tonight) but he didn't take a morning nap. He was tired when I picked him up from daycare but the evening was awesome. At one point we gave him a popsicle (he had one yesterday when he fell again and his gum bled so tonight when Joe ate one he wanted it. NOW!) and he wanted to be held. I obliged and he gave me the biggest hug. Yeah... that meant I had ice cold sticky goo all over my back and neck. So I jumped in the bath and had Léo join me. He's been afraid of baths lately and it's the only time he stayed in the water for more than 10 seconds. It was nice to take a bath with him (and he's 13 months so I don't feel weird about being naked next to him). After that we went to his bedroom and chilled -we added that to his routine so that we have more calm time together before bed time. We read. WE. READ. Usually he eats books but this time he was attentive, pointed to the picture of the dog, kissed the picture of the dog, and enjoyed turning the pages. It was so sweet.

I am enjoying his good mood, cuddles, and ability to chill a bit before bed time. He's just so precious, fun, and cute these days!

Fast and Slow

I haven't written much these past few weeks. A lot has happened and I felt like I didn't have time to catch my breath, sit down, and write, and then nothing happened and I had nothing to report.

The fast and furious version of events: I interviewed for a job within my organization and got it within 10 days. Yay! It's a really, REALLY awesome job, focused on child protection and education. I am so happy to be in this new role. (That means we're not moving back to Southern Cal for a bit, but that's totally fine with me. God has such timing!). The week after, I flew to DC for handover meetings with my team and at the end of that same week Joe, Léo, and I flew to San Diego to spend a couple of days there. Then we took a train to Orange County and spent a few days with the family. Now I'm planning trips for work: Cambodia in June (Hellz. Yes!), Wisconsin (of all places) in July, and maybe New York in August after our family cruise to Alaska.

Pfiew.

Since then I have started my new job and am just learning more about child protection and some of the projects my organization funds. I hang out a bit with my dear friends at work. And life is slow again. Léo has been UBER-cranky for the past 5-6 weeks and hasn't slept well at all. He cut his toe last weekend and the day after fell at daycare and cut his tongue and his gum -two bloody boo-boos in 2 days. I have seen quite a bit of blood in my life, but I'm a major wuss when I comes to seeing my baby bleed. Today he fell again and his gum bled all over again. He didn't mind too much. The good news is that when I picked him up for daycare he was in a really good mood. Finally my baby is back! We went to Old Navy (I am such a high roller) and I chased him all over the store. He thought it was hilarious and frankly so did I. He was in a good mood until he went to bed -and hopefully the night won't be too bad. He says the same words as a few weeks ago (doggie, dada). One of his friends at day care if only 2 months older than Léo and she is verbal. She saw me today and said "Léo!" And because they have an hour of Japanese immersion per day, she knows "nose" and "ear" in Japanese. I am good at not comparing, though. Kinda.

Actually that reminds me that for a year I have wanted Léo to have an opinion and understand us and now that he does I sometimes wish he were a little blob again because man, he is opinionated indeed. I'm sure it'll be the same with words. Right now I can't wait until he talks but maybe I'll want him to be quiet-please-just-for-a-second when he keeps on rambling and asking questions!

I am really enjoying time with family right now. I love, LOVE weekends. And this week we have a 3-day weekend. I can't wait!

TV shows and Community

Yesterday I watched the last 2 episodes of Desperate Housewives. I really liked that show. It was entertaining and fun. It's one of the few girly shows I watch on TV- all the other shows I watch are on HBO and Showtime. When I was a teenager my mom forbade any kind of American shows at home. The first I was able to watch was ER when I was 15. I missed Melrose Place, Beverly Hills, and others. I watched Friends after high school because a friend of mine brought it to the dormitory I was staying at.

Even though I didn't watch a lot of American TV shows, the ones I watched influenced the way I thought about community in the US. Call me naive but I really thought people in the US were like in TV shows. French TV shows are pretty good at depicting life at is actually is in France, so I didn't think US shows would be any different. So I thought neighbors exchanged recipes and hung out all the time. And then I went to the US and... OH MY was I wrong! It was so hard to find real friends, to feel like I belonged. People in Southern Cal were friendly enough -actually very friendly- but never went the extra mile to forge deep bonds. That might be due to the fact that I was 25 when I arrived and most people had had friends in the area for years. They didn't need new friends but I did and it was tough always being the one initiating get togethers. Even here in Seattle it took me years to find a church and the (wonderful!) friends I have are all from work. Maybe it's a matter of location -maybe Southerners are more likely to forge friendships with neighbors- and maybe it's me -I'm aware that I am not an extrovert. In any case, I kind of felt cheated when I arrived in the US.

TV lied to me!!

Um, yes, I know...

I'll stick to HBO in the future. Waaaay more realistic!

Words!

Léo doesn't speak yet but he's trying to. It's the cutest thing. He says "doggie" and all birds are "duckie." Doggie, duckie, and daddy sound alike. He barks with his mouth closed "hmmhmm." He does the snake "sssss" (and ALL other animals make that sounds, didn't you know!). When I ask him in French "what sound does the dog make?" he says "doggie" in English. Well, at least he understands French!

He babbles all the time, really.

It's a fun time in our lives. Well, most of the time! He's been whiny a lot lately and sometimes wakes up for extended periods in the the middle of the night (2h45 last night. Yeah that was awesome).

I'm leaving tonight for DC. I'll stay there until Wednesday afternoon. I'm going to miss my baby, above when it seems that something new is happening every day. I love this little boy so much!