Cinder and Ashes!

Leo has been changing so much lately. It's quite amazing. He's putting two words together -"Eelo tootoo" when he wants to take the train, play with trains, or watch himself in a video we have on the IPhone where he's on the train. He says "mama um" when he wants to be picked up. Most of the time we still communicate as if we were speaking different languages, through pointing and naming. His vocabulary is half words, half sounds. He understands both English and French but only speaks English. He sings constantly. He dances, too. He is really able to express his feelings and desires. It's really neat to see him grow and to see his brain develop. It can be frustrating, too, because he is quite stubborn -but I love that he feels safe enough to say no. And boy, he says no a lot (actually he says "non.")

He's also in a major sleep regression phase that started right around the time we switched our clocks back. He now refuses to go to bed alone most nights, wakes up for 1-3 hours every night, and usually wakes up super early in the morning. And now he can climb out of his bed -so I can let him cry it out all I want but after 5 minutes he'll be out, open his door and play in the living room (like he did this morning) or he'll fall hard on his head (like he did tonight. Ouch). It's time for a toddler bed and it scares me -because now he's really going to be able to get up all the time. I thought sleep issues were over. Wrong! Today I was such a zombie. I was unable to have an intelligent conversation with anyone and had to look for my words all the time. I hope this phase / regression passes soon because my patience is super stretched, I must admit. Going to bed knowing you will be up in the middle of the night is not fun. Waking up with your heart beating fast because you thought you heard your baby cry (dread!) and either not being able to fall back asleep or indeed having to get up to put him back to bed... not optimal.

Apart from this sleep issue... all is well! I'm on a new diet (Weight Watchers) and will receive the 30-Day Shred DVD tomorrow. I'm excited to finally be careful about what I eat and drink and see results. Yay! Work is super busy but mostly excellent. And we have bitter sweet plans that should pan out in the next few months. Life is good!

Thankful

Léo is napping. Joe is watching football. The dogs are snoozing somewhere. And I am relaxing, ready to make tea.

I am so immensely thankful today - for a loving husband, an adorable toddler, a loving family, amazing friends who are my extended family, and a job I really love. I am thankful for a God who loves me unconditionally and who loves others the same. I am thankful for the lessons of the past and for my dreams for the future.

I am a blessed and lucky woman.

A Hard Day

Today was one of those days filled with first world problems -I say that because finally I read about Gaza and Goma in depth tonight and I know my day is awesome in comparison to any person living in these two places -and many more, actually.

This morning I dropped of Léo at daycare. He was sick yesterday and probably a bit sick still today but I dropped him off anyway because both Joe and I needed to be at work. He cried big tears when I left and ran after me saying "mama, mama." I felt pretty guilty about that -and it wasn't even 8AM. Then I just couldn't focus at work -and I had 5 meetings total, including one where I had to lead and show my A game. That didn't happen and I felt pretty defeated. I couldn't read the news, couldn't read reports, couldn't-couldn't-couldn't. Then tonight Léo was in a super tough mood all evening long and refused to go to bed until 845. He tantrumed, screamed, and cried for a good hour before I finally put him in his crib and left the room for 10 minutes. He was calmer when I picked him back up and agreed to drink his milk. He fell asleep fairly quickly and I just cuddled with him for 10 more minutes because I need to hug my baby, damnit. That extra time cuddling his sleepy and warm body made the world right again.

So rough day at home, rough day at work. I am so thankful for the upcoming 4-day weekend -and many more things, like, oh, living in a country that doesn't know war within its borders and not having to wonder whether the next bomb I hear is going to kill my baby. Reading the news tonight definitely put things in perspective!

Safety and Love

Tonight I went into Léo's bedroom to check his room temperature. Both his feet were dangling from the crib. He's so tall. I am amazed about new things he does or says everyday (today, going down stairs without support and, ahem, saying "Bama" when I ask him to say Obama!). 

Maybe it's because of the nature of my job or because of the way my parents raised me, but I am aware more and more that Léo is a lucky baby. He's born in the "West" to parents who have a sound relationship, money in the bank, jobs, a modern apartment, and who wanted him to be conceived and born. I often joke that I had to step away from his crib a few times when he was crying during the night as a baby (15 months old are still babies, right?) but I also know that I was well enough mentally to not break down, that my only stress was lack of sleep (not compounded by lack of food, money, housing, etc).  In one word, he is growing up in a safe and loving environment. Somehow I think that is enough for a child to survive and thrive. Safety and love. That is not all that it takes to make a child grow healthy, but that's definitely a good beginning.

One of my best friends just traveled to Rwanda for work. While she was there she visited the genocide memorial and took a picture that still haunts me -a room full of pictures and stories of children, some just infants, who were killed during the genocide. Right now I am reading a lot about the genocide in Cambodia for work and it just tears me apart to read that children were taken away from their parents to be raised by Angka -the government. 

One day Joe and I were taking turn chasing and holding Léo (when we chase him one parent runs to him and the other is his "safety" person, the one he runs to, laughing, to be picked up). As he and I were hiding in the closet waiting for Joe, Léo started laughing out loud. At that moment, I thought "Thank God we're not a situation where the difference between life and death  depends on the silence of a child who doesn't understand what is going on." I know...  not the best thoughts to have when you're playing with your baby. Still. I am so so thankful Léo will (most likely. Please God let it be never) not be in a situation where he could die because of political games. He will not be in a situation where he doubts our love, where he faces emotional or physical abuse. Again, most of it is luck (good political conditions on one hand, and luck of being a wealthy westerner on the other), but part of it is also Joe and my will to make his life a haven of love, laughter, and stability. And I'm proud we're able to provide that for him right now. We will always be his advocate, we'll always put his well being first, and we'll always ensure that his life is the best it can be. So there we have it: safety and love. For my baby, safety and love, always.

What Léo has been up to

My baby turned 18 months old yesterday! He's a full-on toddler now -but he's still my baby. In some ways he is mature -he talks more, he understands us, he runs and hides, and his brain is in constant motion- and in some ways he's still really young -he cannot control his emotions, he still wants to be rocked before going to bed. He is pretty tall (98th percentile) and fairly lean (70th percentile). His hair is full of curls. He is a picky eater but he's healthy -he loves Nutella and cookies but also all fruits and asparagus. He repeats a lot of words but can only say 2 or 3 phonemes "ba" for ball, "buh" for bird and bus, "abo" for apple and avion (plane, in French), etc. He loves to say "non!" He waves a lot, he dances and sings non stop, he loves being chased, he runs all the time, he walks backward every day for fun, and he tries to jump every time we're in elevators (go figure!).

We had a mini-conference with his daycare director and she said that he's very observant, doesn't smile that much unless he means it, plays on his own a lot, and overall is pretty reserved. That about blew my mind because at home he laughs all the time. He definitely is shy -something we have to know and respect. He is finally starting to pick up books -this morning Joe took him out of the crib after he woke up and instead of running into the living room he sat in his bedroom and chose books from his baby-library. I'm so glad about that! He loves everything Elmo (well, mainly songs from Sesame Street) and trains. He likes pointing at planes in the sky. He loves helping by walking the dogs and opening the garage door.

Sometimes he throws tantrums -he very carefully lowers himself on the ground and just lays there! I have to say I'm not good at setting boundaries and limits and he can pretty much get away with anything with me. Yup, I'm *that* parent! I'm aware of it and working on it.

Oh, and last but not least HE SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT consistently. Oooooh yeah! At home he still takes 2 naps per day during the weekend but we feel that this routine might end soon. When he was born he slept for about 19-20 hours per day so we know this baby needs sleep to function well. So do we. We have a deal!

That's it. We have a very funny, loving, kind, determined, joyful child. I love him more than words can express. He is my world.

 He loves having "fun" at the park (ha!).

 And sometimes he's serious.

 And his hair is always a bit crazy.

But that doesn't prevent him from being a ladies' man. That's his daycare girlfriend, Grace. (Their shirts match!)

 He loves Elmo. He also loves feeding Elmo!

Mainly he's just a funny, healthy, beautiful kiddo!

We're back... for a little bit!

We're just back from a weekend in Orange County. It was so nice to hang out with family and enjoy the sunshine! Léo really loves Joe's family. They're the sweetest to him and he soaks up all the cuddles he can get from them. Of course that's making me think about moving back there -but that's a post for another time as I feel quite conflicted about this choice.

We're back for our regular routine for 2 weeks and then we're leaving again, this time for our most anticipated vacation in Turks. It's only going to be 3 nights but it should be really awesome. They have activities for kids Léo's age and their main theme is Sesame Street, which Léo loves. Well, he loves the music -which we have to play again and again and again.

I don't have much to say these days! Life is good. I need to get on a diet because, well, I weight almost as much as I did before Léo's birth -no, no, not pregnancy, his BIRTH! I just don't have any motivation to lose weight. I mean, I do berate myself about 104 times per day about being fat and disgusting... all the while eating a Twix, drinking gin & tonic, and doing nothing but watch TV at night. Ah yes... Laziness hath no bounds!

Catching Up

So much to say and so little time to write, it seems. Quick summary:

El Salvador was fine. It was interesting but I don't feel that I got a true sense of what the children there are struggling with. I did, in an intellectual way, by talking to staff and partners, but I didn't talk to children or see them that much, so I am left a bit hungry for more information. Talking with staff was great (in Spanish mostly. Ole!) but most of them work in advocacy and talk about partnerships and system change. I talked to them a bit about what life is really like for children (how violence has permeated all areas of society) but again... not enough. Still, it was a good trip. I ate pupusas, drank cappuccinos that kept me up at night, read a whole book, and watched the end of Downton Abbey, season 2. I took a few pictures that I'll post soon (really just a few. I'm not good at documenting trips).

And then I went back home and picked up Léo at daycare. He was not overly happy to see me, but he shyly hugged me for 5 minutes straight and gave me 10 consecutive kisses -usually I beg him for kisses! It was so good to see him again. He has pretty much been in my arms since -he's in yet another mama's boy phase.

The day after I came back we left on our cruise to Alaska. ALASKA, where it's cold. Of course I packed for a Carribean cruise because, what else, I was in mayjah denial. We had to buy Léo a sweater in Juneau! The landscape was beautiful, but let's just say I'm a city girl through and through. Seeing one glacier was enough for me. That being said, spending 100% of my time with Léo as well as Joe and his parents for 10 days straight was perfect. It was tiring -dear God this boy is like the energizer bunny!- but it was so good to hug him and make him laugh and see him try to talk more and more. He says mainly "dadadada" and "babo" for everything but he points, says yes or no (shakes head, rather), says and signs "again" all the time, and is very determined when he wants something, which made it really easy to communicate with him. He was super flexible regarding schedules and was simply fun to be with -and he danced all the time! It's such a blessing to love and like your child! In other news, the bedroom was very small so they put the pack and play between our two beds. Welcome back to the Victorian area :) At night I held my baby boy until he fell asleep and when he woke up during the night he banged on me (really, literally banged!) until I picked him up and we finished the night in the same bed. That was so SO sweet -except now we have to do sleep training all over again and it's breaking my heart. Cruise... success! Next time we'll go in the sun (next time is actually September when we'll spend 3 days in a Beaches resort in Turks. Can't wait for that!).

Now I'm going back to work tomorrow. Seriously friends, if I didn't love my job so much I would quit right now because spending quality time with Léo is really nice. I'm going to miss him during the day -and miss him even more tomorrow night when I go to New York for 3 days. I mean... it's New York so I'm not complaining, but I'll miss him all the same. We were to go to Montreal next weekend but we'll just stay home and chill a bit. I really want to go to Montreal (it's on top of my travel bucket list) but it'll be hard for Joe to take Léo on a red eye and it might be tough for him to travel all the time. We'll see though. It might not be possible to change our flights.

So that's it for me. Work, family-family-family, hugs and kisses and laughter and more hugs, and work again. Busy and good.