2011 and 2012

2011 in one picture:

In one word: sleep. Or lack thereof.

Seriously. I know. First world problem.

I guess it's not only sleep, but also the lack of control over his sleep schedule -or lack of routine. So I took control any way I could and I have recorded his feedings and naps / night time sleep since he was a baby. That hasn't helped -but I still do it.

Other words:

laughter, smiles, friendships ("it takes a village").

2011 has been a great year. It has been a bit chaotic and at times difficult. It has reset my view of life and what matters -I am less career-focused. It has been wonderful and amazing and I have never smiled or laughed that much because Léo is such a happy boy who loves to discover new things and find 1,001 reasons to laugh out loud.

I hope 2012 will be as beautiful. I am not making resolutions this year but am hoping that:

- I will find a way to be closer to God and trust him more.

- I will lose all my baby weight (I still have 15 pounds to lose. I lost 15 pounds in the first 3 weeks and haven't lost a single pound since then. Uh).

- I will be pregnant again! We're going to start trying sometime this summer. If I am pregnant this year, I will have been pregnant for a few months (or days) EACH YEAR from 2009-2013. That's pretty crazy.
Ok, I thought about that one and this summer might be a bit early. Please refer to word of the year and goal #2: if and when I sleep through the night and lose weight, I'm going to want to enjoy that for a while -not jump into waking up three times per night to pee and gain another 30 pounds. So maybe that's a goal for 2013 -I'm going to have to get into mad negotiations marathons with Joe!

- I will figure out a schedule that allows me to share time between work and home. That might involve finding a new job if the one I currently have doesn't allow me to do just that.

- Joe and I will have enough money saved to put a downpayment on a house (this might happen this year or next). When that happens, we will move back to OC.
- I will find time to be a better friend to those I love the most.

I guess that's plenty of excitement for one single year.

I am hoping that this year will be good and serene. I always fear that life balances out the good and the bad and the last few years have been pretty darn good for me. I need to trust that this is not the case, that God is a God who doesn't allow that kind of score-keeping to happen.

As we enter this new year, I pray for those I know lack food and hope in the world. And I pray for friends who are sick or in any kind of pain -emotional or physical. May this year bring joy, healing, and peace.

Happy New Year, friends!

Sign Language

Today I got an update from Baby Center informing me of Léo's stage of development. They had a special Q&A on sign language. I would love for Léo to sign but haven't started teaching him. However, one of the answers in the Q&A stated that all babies sign before they know how to talk, and they do so very early on. I thought about it, and it's true. When he's done with his dinner he pushes his tray -just like he pushes our hand when we try to wipe his nose. Ok, so maybe that's not a "sign" per se. Ooh, got one. When he wants to be held, he raises him arms. And when he wants something, he waves his fingers.

There. My son, the genius.

Prayer of St Therese

The catholic school linked to my church gave Léo a card the day he was baptized. I didn't read it until today (a month and a half later!) and I love the prayer they have included, so I thought I would share it with you.

May you have peace within today.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let his presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, praise, and love.

It is there for each and everyone of you who choose to claim it.

8 months

I'm a little late again posting this update. In the past month Léo has mastered what he's learnt by the time he was 7 months old (thank God for no new developmental milestone. I don't think I could have handled the night time rehearsing!): he crawls a lot, pulls himself up a lot, chats and sings constantly, smiles a gazillion times a day, doesn't sleep through the night, and is overall an absolute joy to be around!

Random little things:

- He loves to eat -and will taste anything you put in his mouth. He loves to shove 2 to 3 pieces of food in his mouth at once. Then he can't chew anything and spits everything out. Classy baby.

- He loves looking outside and could spend a looong time on the window still if we let him.

- He shows what he wants by staring at them (like the widow or the dog). He also started waving toward things he wants to touch -palm pointing down, fingers waving.

- He has 4 teeth. Actually his 2 bottom teeth are out. The 3rd one (up) if halfway out and the 4th (up as well) one just came out yesterday night -he cried so much I had to go out at 11PM an buy ibuprofen. His teeth are so cute!

- He is very affectionate and wants to be held quite often. When he sees me or Joe he crawls to us and stands up while holding our pants, then holds his arms up. It's a "problem" when I work from home and step in the living room to grab something because he comes to me and I just have to pick him up!

- He's really curious. He is starting to really look at books when we read to him instead of just shoving them in his mouth.

- He refuses to lay on his back in his bath. Now he wants to be sitting. That's fine, except I don't know how to rinse his hair.

That's 8-month old Léo in a nutshell. He is a happy, energetic, loving, kind baby boy. Here he is, babbling in his bath. I love this video -and this little boy of ours.

Bucket list

I have been sleeping better for only 3 nights (3 blissful nights. Ok, not that blissful because I wake up in a panic at 1am wondering whether my baby is still breathing but that'll pass soon!). I already feel better, so much so that I'm starting a new bucket list. Yay, a new list! I love making lists -and this one is pretty exciting. Why yes, it's all about me. What's not to like about that?

Ferber, Part Trois

I'll update this post instead of creating new ones to tell you how sleep training goes.

Tonight we started putting Léo to bed using the Ferber method again. If you remember I botched the first two attempts. This time I am ready! He is getting over a cold, he's not teething, he just went through a developmental milestone so I'm guessing he's not going to go through one any time soon, and we're not going to move/travel/go through any changes in the next few weeks. I checked his baby book in which I write when he sleeps/eats/poops and saw that he has stayed up for an hour or two every night since August (when we unswaddled him and when I went back to work). According to Ferber, he stays awake because he doesn't need that many hours of sleep. We're going to work on that as well as the way he falls asleep -no more rocking- and on decreasing night time feedings.

I realized tonight that I was reluctant to do Ferber because:

1- of course I am dreading tears

2- I fear he won't need me anymore -right now he does need me to fall asleep and as much as I need to sleep I relish these moments where he just lays on my chest since he's not so cuddly during the day (this is changing though. Post coming soon)

3- I am afraid he's going to resent me for leaving him alone.

I know all those fears are unfounded. We need sleep. So does Léo. Ferber seems the only thing that can work quickly.

I'm so hopeful that this time will work! Please do pray that it works. Also, in the comments, can you tell me what your kids' routines looked like when they were about 9 months old? That'd help me set our own routine.

Here we go!

Saturday Dec 3rd to Sunday Dec 4th

Léo was so tired after not taking a nap all day that he fell asleep in 2 minutes. I had braced myself for the worst, so this was quite easy! He woke up at 1115. We fed him and put him to bed. He talked to himself for 25' and then started crying -and so we started counting minutes. We checked on him at 3-5-10-10-etc minutes. After 50' he was really mad. He kept on standing up and stomping his feet on the crib. Finally I saw that ht was putting his hand in his mouth. I thought that he has either hurt himself or that his teeth were hurting. So I went in his bedroom, put him back on his side, and whispered to him and stroked his hair. That did it and he fell asleep at 1250. I know this is cheating because he's supposed to fall asleep alone but hey, I didn't rock him and left him in his crib. He slept until 530!

When he got up we noticed that there was blood on his PJs, sheet, and crib. I am guessing he must have hurt himself when he was stomping his feet -maybe knocked his gum on the crib rail or something. Poor baby! We'll be more careful watching the monitor and setting the camera where we can see him when he stands up tonight.

This afternoon we also noticed that his upper teeth are coming out. D'oh! The little man is teething again! It's ok. We're going to give him Tylenol if he hurts. We're not stopping Ferber right now!

Keep on praying please!

Sunday Dec 4th to Mon Dec 5th:
Again he fell asleep in no time. When he woke up for his night feeding he cried for 30' (I checked on him often) and finally I just went to his bed and stroke his hair. That did the trick. He was back asleep right after and slept until the morning.
PROGRESS!

Mon Dec 5th to Tue Dec 6th:
He fell asleep at 615p -he was exhausted for some reason- and slept... until 430am!!! He slept for TEN hours. Stuh-raight.
It worked!! Hopefully it won't be a roller coaster form there. We're quite happy with this Ferber method. It sucked quite a bit but it was worth it.

Post #108 on sleep

I know... I sound like a broken record. Leo has sleep issues. As a result Joe and I have sleep issues. I am not doing well at all. I am reluctant to write this because I know I complain a lot about little things. Ok, I complain about little things all the freaking time. But this is not a little thing. When we got back from France I thought about how disconnected I felt from my country and fellow French people. But then I realized I have felt disconnected from pretty much everything for a long time. In the first few weeks of Leo's life, hormonal craziness and chaos were normal and to be expected. Then I didn't care about much because I was so happy being a mom -just like when I was pregnant. Bliss was all around. Now I am thinking that my not caring is due to something close to depression. I just... don't. care. It's like there's a flat line in my brain. I am not interested in anything -I don't plan for the future, I don't make lists, I don't read, I don't care about baths. I know, this sounds nerdy and superficial, but before Leo was born those were the things that made me happy! My marriage, work, and friendships suffer. And... well, I do care (yay!). I know what I need. I need SLEEP. Big time.

But there's just one problem: Leo won't sleep. Last night he was up from 10-130 and then again from 4-5. The night before he was up from 3-5. During this time he's tired but I can't make him fall asleep. I rock and rock. And rock. And rock. And think that really, I must do sleep training again. But of course there's always something: developmental milestone, teething, a cold, a trip to France, teething again, another cold, and then he stands up in his crib and I don't know how to approach sleep training - mostly because he tries to stand up on his own, which means he doesn't hold on to the crib and falls backward. The mom whose baby shares a nanny with us told me to just start "ferberizing" him tonight. So we might.

I really do need to sleep. I need to find a piece of the old me. I don't want to be the "old" me: I have changed and acknowledge that. I just need to be able to care again, to focus, to be a good mom/wife/friend/employee. I'll let you know how that goes. Stay tuned for yet another post on sleep!